By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
