dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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