is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
