At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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