So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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