So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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