.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
