So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
