wrigley field is MILF paradise
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
