I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
