A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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