thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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