Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
