Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
