When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
