look no pants
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
