but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
