turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
