you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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