just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
