my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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