You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
