I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
