And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
