He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
