he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
