Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
