You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
