This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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