I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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