just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
