Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
