her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
