The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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