Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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