I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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