Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
