3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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