he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
