you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She bit a glass in half.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
