that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
