You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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