Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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