Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
