vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
