im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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