my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
