i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MIDGETS
????
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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