Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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