please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
