He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
