There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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