I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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