It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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