You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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