sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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