So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
