Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
