Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
