Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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