I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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