ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
