you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
