it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
