Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
