Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
